


Promise

by Orophine



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-19 02:46:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14865168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orophine/pseuds/Orophine
Summary: This story begins in the aftermath of the Olympic Winter Games 2018 and will also include events like CiONTU and FaOI in future chapters.When Javi decides to end his competitive career, he has to make sure he is ready to leave everything behind that comes with it and to accept the change it brings to the things that he cannot give up.English is not my first language and I am waiting for a sweet proofreader to help me out :) so I might update this version soon! Until then, please bear with my sloppy writing.





	Promise

His head spun from more than the glass of champagne he just had. He had not been able to focus on any conversation ever since entering the grand hall brimming with people in fine garbs, food, drinks and waiters showing of their brightest smiles.  
Javi had been used to the obligatory celebration after the competition had ended and everyone shook off the stress and pressure that had accumulated to its peak during the last weeks. Months even, for a select few of them.  
With a frown, he added 'Years, for one.'in his head. It was a bitter remark but this time it made him smile.

The evening was young and he knew the said person would not skip this event, not for anything. He had won, he would bathe in the glory of this legendary victory and enjoy every second of it as much as he could. A little sting in his heart broke the content smile that had begun to spread on his face while he was lost in these thoughts.

He had broken this well deserved cheerful mood for him twice already. For the first time, completely unaware, when he went into the green room, his medal being already certain. He was full of relief and joy because he had achieved his goal this time and all the pain seemed worth it now. So his smile was bright even if he was still exhausted and he did not think about it much when Yuzu got up hastily on seeing him, putting aside a small object his fingers had been fumbling with.

His own eyes wandered to Yuzu's face and found it tear-streaked and contorted in a mournful plea. Was he afraid?  
When he reached out to him, the other could barely look into his eyes. His head hanging lowly, he stared at his chest while sobbing and congratulating him with exasperated relief. The difference in height resulting from him still wearing his skates while Yuzu had removed his already, making it more convenient for the Japanese skater to avoid his gaze.  
Javi tried to make him look up but Yuzu seemed to be too emotional right now. At first, Javi was trying to shake the feeling off but it made his heart ache to see him this vulnerable and not even trying to put up a barrier anymore. This wasn't for the cameras though and Javi tried to calm him down and he himself had been torn between the urge to comfort him, the need to protect their privacy from the public eye and his own confusion about how much Yuzu seemed to care. This time, his selfish need to be the one he lets go with again won.

Yuzurus words came strained and fast but Javi understood everything.  
Once Yuzuru felt this emotional about something he would go to great lengths to convey his feelings. He just was not used to being his anchor, his confident anymore.

Things between them had changed. Yuzuru had distanced himself from him for a while now and even though the topic had never been named or spoken about, he had felt it more and more every day. It was not coming from him, so he thought, at one point he got so bitter about Yuzu ignoring him the way he did, he let it slip in an interview.  
Those moments were what Javi dreaded the most.  
He knew how to avoid getting them into the spotlight for all the wrong reasons but he sometimes could not go completely emotionless either.  
The Spanish media was what got him most of the time. Their definition of a good rivalry was simply and their image of a male figure skater was even simpler. He knew what they wanted to hear and after everything that happened to him in the past, with the scandal surrounding him pre-Sochi only being the tip of the iceberg, he just gave them that.

What he and Yuzu had shared and truly thought about each other was none of their business anyways. It just happened to be that Javi began to feel as if it was not his business to know that anymore either.

Yuzuru had changed. He did deal with him neglecting any social contact post-Sochi. It was fine. He had known that being with him outside of the rink had been a rare exception any-ways and that Yuzu, more than anyone had his reasons to do that. He lived only for figure skating and gave up on many things for that.  
Javi missed the glimpses of the boy he got in the past despite the, then even more imminent, language barrier but he never ever blamed him. He knew how hard the preposterous media had struck him, too. How much hateful people influenced him and how dramatic the impact on his psychological and physical well-being was. It was another thing uniting them as somewhat of a team and Javi understood so well. So he decided he could take the change.

Yuzu never asked him to protect him in any way and Javi knew he would never do even if he felt that way. But for the both of them, he stepped back. He would not tell about Yuzu in his interviews anymore, he would not show of about them being happy on social media anymore. It did not hurt much because it did not change a thing. Nobody had the right to intrude on their privacy anyway.  
If the ice was Yuzus life, then he was still as close as he could ever be to the most dependent loner he ever met.  
He shared said space with him more than anyone else. He would never stop supporting the boy he had grown to care about so much in any matter. On the ice, it felt real and genuine still. Yuzuru was focussed and determined most of the time but Javi could always make him smile and lighten up the brooding face he chose to wear when a competition was in plain sight or his frustration whenever he had a really bad day.

Then and there he was everything, they were everything. But it never got better, only worse. He became the greatest obstacle to Yuzu on his way to being the best. Losing the title of world champion to him twice might have made Yuzu feel more than just frustrated.

Javi never doubted that Yuzuru meant it when he congratulated him for winning. He knew his affinity towards winning gold, and gold alone, but they shared a dynamic that can only be described as being partners in crime. An unspoken code of brotherhood, Team “BOrser” if you will. They competed against each other but once it was over they would stick together again, especially when sharing the podium which happened to become a quite common occurrence.

But Yuzu felt the pressure, the injuries that seemed to already wait in line when he thought he had recovered and threatened more than one competition to be missed but his whole career as a skater, the public expectations as well as the haters wish for him to fail miserably but most of all the one he placed on himself.  
He could flip the switch between friend and foe as if it was nothing but with Javi he never could. He lost to him and hated it but never him. He might have wished he could, might have felt like he was not giving the sport his all yet when he lost the second title and so he shut down even more.

Javi tried to get through to him but he could feel it like a chill to his bone. Yuzu was in his own world. He never gave him hate or aggression, but he focussed all he had on winning, not only the world championship title, but the upcoming Olympics. For that, he would sacrifice anything, even Javi. Even his health. Sometimes Javi thought anger would have been better, anything to understand his mindset but this cold was too much to bear with sometimes.  
He had to focus on winning himself, too. But being around the skater he had come to know so well in ways others never would, without getting drinks together sometimes even without words and seeing him fighting this battle all alone and worse, against him, made him realize how important he had become to him. He began to doubt their bond.

This issue could not be addressed, so Javi got frustrated about it, bitter and emotional. It wasn't all bad though. They decided on training separately for the majority of the week together with Brian an the rest of their coaches and on the days they spent together it was almost back to normal. They could breathe apart from each other.  
At least for Javi, it felt like that. They were at the top of their game and they had to play on the same stage.  
Until then, no matter what happened it has always been more of a team battle but now Javi did not know what to believe anymore.

Every now and then, for few precious moments, he could see the friend he had cherished push through the façade of the machine he had put onto himself and it was the way it had been before, whenever they were reuniting in training as if Yuzu had missed him just as much. Then, more than ever, Javier knew that no matter what, Yuzuru was worth it and that their relationship could not be defined by everyday standards anyways, because nothing was an everyday standard with Yuzuru.

He had been over these things in his mind for countless times. It was a good sign though, was it not? It meant he cared too much to give up on what they had. Right here at this moment, however, where he was still confused and shaken by the emotional breakdown of his training mate turned friend turned rival, he realized how close he had been to simply stop trying.  
It made him angry at himself for almost giving up to fight for someone dear to him. A small part of him knew it was stupid, that he only longed to protect himself, but that was just like him. To get hurt but blame himself for it. Just like it was one of his habits to analyze where he had gone wrong in every conflict that presented himself to him. It was easy to name it. He was a competitor as well. At times people thought he forgot that sometimes even he himself thought so, but even though everything he ever said to Yuzuru was true and heartfelt, he still wanted to win. The force he pursued this with was no less determined than Yuzurus but maybe a bit less ambitious.

He knew Yuzuru was setting his own standards and that he could not be beaten should he skate clean. He saw it in Yuzus eyes as well, that he was fully aware of it himself and that he knew he was the better skater.  
He was narcissistic and selfish when it came to skating and strangely, Javier did never mind that. Yuzuru thought highly of him, respected him but in his mind, there was no way he would accept anyone to be superior to himself.  
Javier took no offense out of this, he rather felt proud to be the one Yuzu had learned from and the one that constantly pushed him to do better. It made him do better as well until both of them seemed to be the best in the world, making out silver and gold among themselves for the majority of the time. He would settle with silver if he had to but he would go for gold. He rooted for Yuzu on the inside, he would always want him to win.  
To some small extend Javi felt Yuzu deserved to win more than anyone else. He worked harder and more focused than any other skater he knew, including himself. He sacrificed his social life among many other things to live for his skating alone.  
It was an impossible thing for Javier to do and he both respected and pitied his training mate for it. A small but sad smile formed on Javier's lips when he thought about it. Yuzuru would probably hate it if he told him he felt sorry for him.  
The younger one would at all times and to every painful issue just reply that he was fine, that he chose this and that he was happy but Javi knew being used to something did not mean to be content with it.  
How could he be?  
These tears today, the pleading eyes, the way he needed him to hold him tight...

“Javi!” A familiar voice made him snap out of his musings. Only when he looked up at the guy who had decided to approach him, he noticed the loud music surrounding him again and the volume the other man had to raise his voice to, for him to notice it.  
“There you are! I thought you went deaf or turned to stone for a second.” Patrick frowned at him but had a wide grin plastered on his face once Javis facial features lit up a bit more.  
“Heyyy!” he tried to sound joyful but Patrick's gaze showed him that he failed miserably.  
Since Javi had situated himself a little bit further away from the crowd, Patrick seemed to decide he needed to dig into the matter and picked up a nearby chair from an empty table, sitting right across from him.

“What is going on? Should you not be drunk by now, celebrating your medal?” the Canadian tried to coax him out of his glum state of mind with a toothy grin. “Is it because of the color of the medal? Listen... there is nothing... .”  
Javi smiled but cut his friend off with a raised hand. “It is not about that.”  
“Then what? It's all real! You accomplished everything you wanted! It is all over and done.”  
Javi only gave him a halfhearted smirk and his gaze seemed to trail off along with his thoughts.  
“Wait, that what this is about right?“ Patrick leaned back with a sigh and gave him a look which Javi disliked a lot. The look of poorly hidden disapproval.  
“I thought you were clear about your wish to leave the competitive part of your career behind. Honestly, during the last season, you seemed more determined than ever to get rid of all the pressure. Remember? We leave the battlefield together?” his friend tried to make him cheer up and nudged him on the shoulder, trying to get him to look into his eyes again.  
“I know.” Javis voice was quiet but his pal was close now and heard him.  
The encouraging smile vanished from his face and he took a while before he continued to speak. His voice now also lowered and deep, maybe even a little stern.  
“It is because of Hanyu right? Because he lured you back in with his little outburst today.”  
“Do not talk like that about him.” Javi got defensive immediately but Patrick already expected that and cut him off.  
“I am not insulting him,” Patrick replied coolly.

“You do not even call him by his first name.”

“Which is respectful.”

“Yeah, it's just that you do not mean it like that.” Javis frown deepened and his mate gave up.

“I cannot believe you still act like his guardian angel when he pushes you away and then pulls you close again how he sees fit.”  
Javi simply groaned at that remark and went through his hair with one hand. “You do not understand this. You do not understand him.”  
“You never let me in on anything about him. Maybe that's why? Well, maybe I do not understand you either then. I never liked him much, he acts all polite and friendly but he sees everyone here as rivals, you as well Javi! You bet him for world champion two times in a row, YOU, most of all and this last season he showed you what that meant.” Patrick waited for a heated response but when he got none he continued a little more conciliatory. “Maybe you know him better than everyone else but what does that even mean? The person Yuzuru Hanyu is the skater Yuzuru Hanyu. He turned away from you and it got to you and now he says sorry and hugs you and you go – 'Its all good.'? How whipped are you?”  
“He cried, Patrick.”  
Javi saw Patrick's unimpressed expression, ready to retort something along the lines like: 'He always cries.' but Javi was faster: “ You could not see his gaze, his pain. He needed me, maybe he still does.” Javier bit his lip for he began to explain himself and he saw no obligation to do so, not even to his friend.  
“Great!” Patrick huffed. “So you really forgave him everything. Honestly, I cannot understand you.”  
There was an awkward silence daring to spread between them and Patricks open dislike for a certain skater he deemed responsible for all this, might have made this conversation turn out to be a lot more reproachful than intended.  
Javier, however, was used to this. Whenever Yuzuru became a topic between them, they drifted apart. To some extend Patrick might have wanted him to let him in on everything there was between them and maybe even get Javi to see the Japanese prodigy the way he himself did. More than once had Patrick admitted that had he himself have been Yuzurus training partner he would never have been able to keep up a healthy balance between rivalry and friendship with someone as intense as Yuzuru.  
“I am glad you are concerned about me,” he said gently but his gaze was stern. “You are my friend and I appreciate that but I will not accept you trying to lecture me about Yuzuru.”  
For a while, they said nothing and Javier almost thought that this conversation was over and would end on a bad note for them, but Patrick suddenly sighed and nodded.

“I am sorry. I already had a drink or two and I got ahead of myself here. I will never understand what kind of bond keeps the two of you from killing each other but you are right. I have no clue about him while you have spent six years with this guy. You are a good person Javi, people can depend on you and I think you like it when they do.  
You enjoyed being the one he chose to learn from, you enjoyed him looking up to you and you enjoyed being there to comfort him, to reassure him and make him smile.  
Just let me tell you this. I have seen you a couple of times during the last season. You were brooding a lot, you seemed deep in thoughts most of the time and how can you expect me not to worry when you had that sad puppy look plastered onto your face every time someone mentioned Han... Yuzuru.”

“The change of air between Yuzu and me was not the reason I wanted to retire after the Olympics. The media, the pressure, the training, it all got to me and I have reached a point where I did not want this anymore.  
I feel I have reached my peak and the younger generation is already defying today’s standards. Leave while you still shine brightly. You of all people should know this feeling.  
Believe it or not but Yuzu was not the only thing on my mind back then. I had my own goals and demons to battle with. I was also competing and trying to win.” Patrick only looked at him with an unreadable gaze.

“This chapter is over for me. I have made up my mind about this a long time ago.”

'I just realized I had lost hope to see him cry over it.' he added solemnly in his mind.


End file.
